HARRY POTTER 1: THE DRUGS OF DUMBLEDORE
by SupermassiveSon15
Summary: Voldemort needs a girlfriend and decides to kidnap Cho Chang at Hogwarts leaving Harry with...all the other girls he wants in bed. Will Harry pull his finger out and take some action or leave Cho to die! Dumbledore starts a drug ring with Fred and George!


Harry Potter 1: The Drugs of Dumbledore

Chapter 1: A Fresh Start

Harry Potter entered the Great Hall of Hogwarts accepting the applause as he walked across the space to his table of Gryffindor while Hermione Granger and Ron Weasley followed behind him.

Harry felt important to the wizardry world and walked with his back straight and he dropped winks at all the girls who moaned at Harry's touch. He accidentally blew a kiss in Professor McGonagall's direction and she blushed happily. Ron in the meantime was waving at the girls who spat at him in disgust and they gave him insults too. As for Hermione; she bent over to show her cleavage to the boys who shoved mash potatoes and other foods between her breasts and she glared at them. It was only Harry who was important and it was only Harry who could bring pleasure into the lives of girls at Hogwarts.

With a big smile, Harry sat down at the table while people shook his hand and congratulated him for defeating the Dark Lord yet again. Ron and Hermione shouted big greetings to their peers who replied by hissing and scratching at them. There was instant silence as Professor Dumbledore stood up with his hands in the air and whistling tunes to shut the hall up.

"Quiet please, you little bastards!" Dumbledore shouted. "It is now a new year for you little pricks and lets make this year good instead of attracting Lord Voldemort's attention please! Of course if it wasn't for Harry Potter -"

Applause and loud cheers from everybody in the room.

"- and his accomplices Ron Weasley and Hermione Granger -"

Boos, hisses, meows and scratches at the mention of the two names.

"- we would probably all be dead by tomorrow or the day after tomorrow and so on. Anyway, we must be cautious because I want to live but you little dip-shits obviously don't. Stop saying the name of the Dark Lord in public and stop communicating with him through lightning-bolt shaped scars on your foreheads okay? You bitches need to stop harassing him and harassing me and quit complaining about your dead parents! And tell your red-headed and bushy-haired friends to keep their noses clean. But on a lighter topic; HARRY POTTER HAS COME BACK -"

Shouts of 'yay' and 'whoop' from everybody in the Great Hall.

"- ALONG WITH RON AND HERMIONE!"

Shouts of 'kill them' and 'burn them alive' resound from the Great Hall.

Dumbledore had finished speaking and Harry instantly began to dig into the bountiful feast grabbing heaps of mashed potatoes and fried chicken with ease. Seamus Finnigan and Dean Thomas gave Harry their greetings and proceeded to eat themselves. The whole Gryffindor table gasped when Harry dropped his fork which landed on the table right next to his hand. "Ron," Harry asked. "Would you grab my fork for me?"

Ron was pale in shock and replied; "But it's right next to your hand Harry and I think that you can manage to do it yourself." After this reply, the whole table started throwing insults at Ron exclaiming how Harry had been through a lot and the one time Harry asked Ron for something he wouldn't do it. Ron went more redder in the face until Harry picked up the fork and had a heart attack.

People instantly started to panic and there was an uproar and relief as Harry got his breath back and relaxed again. The Gryffindor table shouted at Ron; "WAY TO GO TOSSPOT!" and "HE COULD'VE BEEN KILLED YOU SON OF A BITCH!" Ron pulled down his pants, took off his underwear with tears pouring down his face and he handed his skid mark filled underwear to Harry. "H-here y-you g-go H-Harry!" Harry accepted the underwear and licked the skid marks, afterwards he patted Ron's shoulder and said; "Our brotherly bond has been restored." Ron nodded.

Hermione listened to her iPod on full volume while the other girls screamed as Harry showed his penis to all of them. She didn't care, she had seen Harry's penis before when she 'accidentally' stumbled upon him taking a shower. Little did she know, Hagrid was staring at her breasts from the staff table and secretly planning how he was going to feel them…secretly.

Hagrid stood up and walked down the gap between the Gryffindor table and the Hufflepuff table before stumbling and grabbing Hermione's breasts so he could regain his balance. Hermione screamed; "Do it again Hagrid but this time squeeze more tighter!" Hagrid blushed and swung around until his erection hit some first-grader in the eye. "My eye! My beautiful blue eye! My beautiful blue eye! I will do everything in my power to make sure you're in Azkaban before the end of the year! I will sue you till the cows come home!"

"Oh yeah? Sue this bitch!" Hagrid yelled and snapped the first-grader's neck making him die instantly. Hagrid's actions were applauded by everyone and someone shouted; "Yeah! Don't take that shit from no white boy! You my brother Haggy-Cent! My brother from another mother! My giant from another…um…fire hydrant?"

Dumbledore stood up and said; "HARRY POTTER HAS JUST EATEN HIS FIRST PLATE OF DINNER -"

Shouts of 'you go Harry' and 'he's doing wonders at school' come from the students.

"- AND RON AND HERMIONE HAVE STARTED DESSERT!"

Shouts of 'rape them with jelly' and 'freeze their brains with ice cream' and 'I agree…let's rape them with jelly' come from the students.

Harry smiled and vomited up all his dinner on top of the cherry cream trifle and everyone applauded him happily. Ron and Hermione threw up on the chocolate frogs and everyone shouted; "OH LOOK AT BLOODY MESS YOU'VE MADE!" and "SHAG A SHEEP YOU DIRTY BASTARDS!"

Harry Potter asked Ron and Hermione; "It's going to be great year hey guys?"

Ron and Hermione nodded.


End file.
